Like so many who have fallen into abuse, I rationalized that I could help him to change. He needed me. Having failed to save my husband, I wanted to save someone, even someone who wasn’t very nice to me.
If I could describe middle-aged daters in one word, it would be bitter. And that bitterness is destroying our chances at finding love. Let’s overcome that bitterness with a beginner’s mind.
To me, so much of the dysfunction surrounding dating in middle age boils down to the way men and women of my generation were taught to behave. Specifically, little boys were brought up to conquer while girls were brought up to be docile.
When I started dating again after being widowed at fifty, I wondered, where are the men who act like grown ups? The ones who get their gutters cleaned, keep their homes reasonably tidy, have edible food in their refrigerators, and want a life partner instead of easy sex.
My best advice: To find love, develop your empathy muscle. In my experience, many middle-aged men have let it atrophy. Dating at fifty was like being in a wolf pack, or worse, a law firm.
