I don’t know what an adult relationship is supposed to look like. I married my high school prom date. Maybe we never changed, or if we did, we changed in ways that worked together, as I moved through college, then law school, then practicing law, then quitting to be an unemployed slacker.
A few of my girlfriends believe in visualization, picture the guy you want and he will appear, apparently materializing form the ether, a dream bachelor emerging slowly from a deserted cornfield. (Have you ever watched Children of the Corn? It’s terrible). Another friend said compile a list of all the things you want in a man, and from this clarity, you will meet the right guy. And people always say the right one will show up when you’re not looking. I’m a writer, I sit at my computer all day, I don’t think I’ll find much in the way of guys unless I take up internet porn.
I ‘m actually in a relationship. Sort of. It was supposed to be a fun, temporary, teenaged sort of relationship. Based on the guy, even though he’s chronologically older than I am, all it could be is sort of teenaged. But, then again, I’m not sure I’d recognize a grown up, mature relationship even if I found one. I think it involves barbecued salmon, I’m just not sure why.
Despite all the romantic comedies, I don’t think that men can be trained like dogs. I can’t change my guy. He can’t change me very much.
I don’t want to date again. I haven’t the energy or the patience.
I’ve met so many guys where all they talk about is themselves. I ask people questions about themselves to draw them out, but it makes things worse when you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t ask about you. They’re already drawn out; I need to push them back in. Or just back away slowly.
Or they’re so emotionally careless, taking shit out on you when they’re in a bad place themselves. George didn’t take things out on other people. Even after all day chemotherapy. But some of the guys I dated did just that. Like its a test to see if you’ll still want them after they act like spoiled babies. I dated a writer/artist like that. It was painful.
Here’s a couple of my last lines I’ve said to the guys I’ve dated.
“I’d like my thong back.” ( I never got it).
“This many complaints in an incipient two month relationship has convinced me that I am not the person for you.” ( I was trying to sound mature and not use the word dickwad)
“Ok, if you want real intimacy, how about this. I don’t want to be alone on Thanksgiving. Can I join your family?” (Nope on that one and I dumped him, but he was the one who’d wanted me to stop seeing other people. He just didn’ t want his parents to know we’d met online.)
So, what to do? Keep my teenaged relationship? Accept being alone until I want to date again (which may never happen. I can put on a good act, but really, I’m a cranky curmudgeon).
How do you decide when to stay in a relationship and maybe work on it, or decide to end things?