It's my dream guy, Billy Idol!

It’s my dream guy, Billy Idol!

I don’t know what an adult relationship is supposed to look like.   I married my high school prom date.   Maybe we never changed, or if  we did, we changed in ways that worked together, as I moved through college, then law school, then practicing law, then quitting to be an unemployed slacker.

A few of my girlfriends believe in visualization, picture the guy you want and he will appear, apparently materializing form the ether, a dream bachelor emerging slowly from a deserted cornfield.  (Have you ever watched Children of the Corn?  It’s terrible).  Another friend said compile a list of all the things you want in a man, and from this clarity, you will meet the right guy.  And people always say the right one will show up when you’re not looking.  I’m a writer, I sit at my computer all day, I don’t think I’ll find much in the way of guys unless I take up internet porn.

I ‘m actually in a relationship.  Sort of.  It was supposed to be a fun,  temporary, teenaged sort of relationship. Based on the guy, even though he’s chronologically older than I am, all it could be is sort of teenaged.  But, then again, I’m not sure I’d recognize a grown up, mature relationship even if I found one.  I think it involves barbecued salmon, I’m just not sure why.

Despite all the romantic comedies, I don’t think that men can be trained like dogs.  I can’t change my guy.  He can’t change me very much.

I don’t want to date again. I haven’t the energy or the patience.

I’ve met so many guys where all they talk about is themselves.  I ask people questions about themselves to draw them out, but it makes things worse when you’re dealing with someone who doesn’t ask about you.  They’re already drawn out; I need to push them back in.  Or just back away slowly.

Or they’re so emotionally careless, taking shit out on you when they’re in a bad place themselves. George didn’t take things out on other people.  Even after all day chemotherapy. But some of the guys I dated did just that.  Like its a test to see if you’ll still want them after they act like spoiled babies. I dated a writer/artist like that.  It was painful.

Here’s a couple of my last lines I’ve said to the guys I’ve dated.

“I’d like my thong back.” ( I never got it).

“This many complaints in an incipient two month relationship has convinced me that I am not the person for you.”  ( I was trying to  sound mature and not use the word dickwad)

“Ok, if you want real intimacy, how about this. I don’t want to be alone on Thanksgiving. Can I join your family?” (Nope on that one and I dumped him, but he was the one who’d wanted me to stop seeing other people. He just didn’ t want his parents to know we’d met online.)

So, what to do?  Keep my teenaged relationship? Accept being alone until I want to date again (which may never happen.  I can put on a good act, but really, I’m a cranky curmudgeon).

How do you decide when to stay in a relationship and maybe work on it, or decide to end things?