This is again one of those times when you and I are not hitting it off. I don’t seem to have that much to say if I’m not getting published somewhere else. So, let’s rant:
Stuff I Hate about Socializing as a Widow:
1. Being introduced as a widow. I’m writing a book. As of two weeks ago, I even have an agent. I’ve been published in national magazines. Does this make me a better or smarter person? No, But I’m more than someone who has lost her spouse. As is any other person who’s suffered a loss. Each in her own way. Let’s not start out with “The Sad.”
I went to a dinner party where I was introduced as “Debbie who just lost her husband and he tried to keep it from her.” Ever wonder why I drink?
2. Being Given Unsolicited Advice. Men seem more prone to give it to a woman on her own. See “Mansplaining.” Maybe it makes them feel smarter. And it’s fine if I asked for it or its about a not-too-personal topic like social media hacks or Porsche maintenance. But not how to organize my personal life, changes I should make to my dating life, etc.
And it’s not only men. I went out to dinner with a now frenemy who said she didn’t think I’d gone through the grieving process or maybe I hadn’t gotten adequate therapy. I had. She just didn’t ask. I’m too nice to say it to her face so I’ll say it here behind her back : Fuck you.
3. Being Told to Get Out Since my husband died three years ago, very few people have offered to fix me up. Most likely reason, they don’t know anyone. Second most likely, I’m batshit crazy. Either way, I’ve chatted with my single friends, and while some hate fix ups, we generally appreciate the offers.
What I truly hate is being told to “get out there.” I got out there. It made me so cynical I became an angry and embittered writer. If you don’t have a concrete invitation, don’t keep sending me out into the wilderness.
4. Being Pitied. Yup, the holidays suck. Yes, hard to get though birthdays or other festive times. But hearing how my life as a widow sucks is just irritating. Only I get to complaint about it.
5. Poor concentration– Sometimes, I’m still recovering. I ‘m not naturally that social. So, sometimes it’s all too much and I just need to leave.
Soooo, I can’t think of any more to add to this list right now, (See poor concentration) but please fill the comments section with your own complaints. And it’s not just for widows. I’m sure divorced people feel that others are needlessly tactless.
Have a great weekend, and don’t forget to “Get out there!” (Except me, I will be working on my poor neglected blog).