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Blog2021-01-07T22:08:41+00:00
504, 2021

Why is Dating in Middle Age so Hostile? It All Started on the Playground

By |April 5, 2021|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , |0 Comments

To me, so much of the dysfunction surrounding dating in middle age boils down to the way men and women of my generation were taught to behave. Specifically, little boys were brought up to conquer while girls were brought up to be docile.

803, 2021

On Dating at Middle Age: Where Are All the GrownUp Men?

By |March 8, 2021|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , |13 Comments

When I started dating again after being widowed at fifty, I wondered, where are the men who act like grown ups? The ones who get their gutters cleaned, keep their homes reasonably tidy, have edible food in their refrigerators, and want a life partner instead of easy sex.

2002, 2021

Ending The One Upmanship Of Middle-Aged Dating

By |February 20, 2021|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , |5 Comments

My best advice: To find love, develop your empathy muscle. In my experience, many middle-aged men have let it atrophy. Dating at fifty was like being in a wolf pack, or worse, a law firm.

1302, 2021

What if Valentine’s Day Became “Loneliness Awareness Day”

By |February 13, 2021|Categories: Fighting Loneliness|Tags: , , , , , |1 Comment

Writing in the Sand at Santa Cruz I'm not Blaming Valentine's Day for All my Neuroses, BUT... For me, Valentine's [...]

2911, 2020

Disillusionment: It’s What’s Killing Middle-Aged Dating

By |November 29, 2020|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , |8 Comments

Let’s start a movement called the unfun daters where we treat our dates like potential life partners instead of bottom feeders.

1511, 2020

When You Think Everyone Else is Doing a Better Job of Widowing

By |November 15, 2020|Categories: Falling Apart, Grieving, Recovering from loss|Tags: , , , , , , |12 Comments

When I was widowed, I couldn't stop thinking I was doing it wrong. But all we really have to do is to stop judging our own grieving.

111, 2020

Accepting Change: the Second Adolescence that is Widowhood

By |November 1, 2020|Categories: Grieving, Recovering from loss|Tags: , , , , , |8 Comments

To be widow is to be a shape shifter. We move through different phases redefining ourselves after our loss.

910, 2020

Confessing to Loneliness at the End of the World

By |October 9, 2020|Categories: Falling Apart, Fighting Loneliness|Tags: , , , , , |8 Comments

Can we finally just say we feel lonely and isolated? These times feel like first being widowed, and yet, there is solace in small things.

1205, 2020

If Your Date is Trying to Change You, They aren’t the One

By |May 12, 2020|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , |6 Comments

I was shocked at all the criticisms I received from men when I started dating in middle age. Instead of taking them to heart, I should have just walked away.

2904, 2020

The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating: Living in the Past

By |April 29, 2020|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , |20 Comments

I finally realized that many middle aged daters were living in the past. Dating was an exercise in revenge against the people who’d failed them.

1304, 2020

Reconciling with Gratitude: The Pandemic Edition

By |April 13, 2020|Categories: Falling Apart, Fighting Loneliness, Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , |14 Comments

My quarantine resolution: to reconcile with gratitude. Otherwise, it’s too hard to live with someone this bitter.

1004, 2020

On Wanting Someone Invested or I Fell in Love Over an Air Conditioner

By |April 10, 2020|Categories: Dating, Recovering from loss|Tags: , , , , , , , , |3 Comments

I wanted someone who was invested, and that meant caring about what I cared. A dead air conditioner showed me I'd found the right person.

3103, 2020

Our Inner Critics in the Time of Quarantine

By |March 31, 2020|Categories: Falling Apart, Fighting Loneliness, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , |10 Comments

In this time of quarantine when we can't escape ourselves, let's stop bumming ourselves out with thoughts of self-doubt.

508, 2019

Recovering from Extreme Loneliness or Don’t Trust a Guy with 19 Guitars who Wants to Move in with You

By |August 5, 2019|Categories: Dating, Fighting Loneliness|Tags: , , , , , , , |14 Comments

Last year, a boyfriend (now ex) left me stranded on a stranger’s floor in Germany. A woman friend ( now ex) falsely [...]

1212, 2018

I’m Teaching Again/ Making our Losses Part of Our Lives

By |December 12, 2018|Categories: Grieving, Recovering from loss|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |2 Comments

On the Beach Dear Friends, I loved teaching the five-week essay writing class through Writing Pad. I’m doing it again [...]

1403, 2018

Using a Beginner’s Mind to Cope with the Loneliness of Widowhood

By |March 14, 2018|Categories: Fighting Loneliness, Grieving, Recovering from loss|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |4 Comments

    We are lonely. My post that’s gotten by far the biggest response is fighting the loneliness that comes with the second year [...]

502, 2018

Dating After Widowhood: You Can Withdraw Your Consent at Any Time

By |February 5, 2018|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |2 Comments

  Many of us are diving back into the dating pool after a long absence. It’s been many years since we’ve been [...]

701, 2018

Widowhood: Fighting the Stigma of Loneliness

By |January 7, 2018|Categories: Dating, Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |22 Comments

Hiking in a Meetup Group Loneliness equals shame. The hardest thing I went through after George died was being lonely. [...]

2112, 2017

A Widow Finds Love through Perseverance

By |December 21, 2017|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |22 Comments

My Instagram Post with tags "#SecondChapter" and "#InLove": What mushy optimist posted this drivel? I recently got an email from [...]

2011, 2017

Recognizing When You are Being Emotionally Abused (in Ravishly)

By |November 20, 2017|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , |4 Comments

Thank you Ravishly It’s what I do. Get into embarrassing, sad situations and write about them publicly. Sigh. I never [...]

2610, 2017

Tripping on the Path of Widowhood: Living with Emotional Abuse

By |October 26, 2017|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |23 Comments

On July 29th, my boyfriend had a public meltdown and yelled at me. For the very first time I realized: He’s emotionally [...]

1207, 2017

In Ravishly: Patton Oswalt’s Engagement: What Should Grief Look Like? (And Who are We to Decide?)

By |July 12, 2017|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , |2 Comments

My first commissioned article! For my non-Facebook subscribers: Online magazine "Ravishly" asked me to write an article on the media [...]

1306, 2017

My Father’s Day Tribute in Modern Loss

By |June 13, 2017|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on My Father’s Day Tribute in Modern Loss

    For my blog friends who aren't on Facebook, I am so grateful to be in the wonderful online publication "Modern [...]

2505, 2017

Dating for Widows and Widowers: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re Ready to Date

By |May 25, 2017|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , |20 Comments

Stuck in the Dating Thicket I rushed into dating far too quickly after George died. I tried dating a couple [...]

2702, 2017

You are Grieving Perfectly: You are Choosing to Live

By |February 27, 2017|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |10 Comments

Me in Tahoe Two Years Ago You are grieving perfectly, just as you are. Even if you're sobbing and sloppy [...]

2401, 2017

The Women’s March and 6 Tips when You come Home to an Empty House

By |January 24, 2017|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |10 Comments

My writer's group at the Women's March It's my first protest!   My writer's group and I marched  in Walnut [...]

1601, 2017

5 Reasons why Older Single Women Give up on Men

By |January 16, 2017|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , |26 Comments

Trying to be an old-fashioned girl Last time I hung out with my girlfriends, the talk turned to why we [...]

2912, 2016

My New Year’s Post: 8 Things I Learned While Widowing

By |December 29, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , |19 Comments

  Coming to you from my home office I learned a lot this year.  It just doesn't feel like it [...]

1912, 2016

6 Ways to Swim in the Adult Dating Cesspool (and One Work Around)

By |December 19, 2016|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , |4 Comments

  Lost in the Online Either My last dating post was about how many people think of adult dating as [...]

1412, 2016

Getting through Grief with Humor, Honesty and Time

By |December 14, 2016|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , |6 Comments

My painting from a writing and painting workshop I went to I'm taking an online blogging class.  My assignment: a [...]

512, 2016

Surviving the Loss of a Loved One in Elephant Journal

By |December 5, 2016|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |2 Comments

My article! Dear Blog Friends, I'm thrilled to be in Elephant Journal with my article "Surviving the Holidays After the [...]

2011, 2016

Coping with Widowhood over the Holidays

By |November 20, 2016|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |6 Comments

My Cheering Garden---I can dig in clay soil Dear  Friends, It is again the holiday season.  And it is so [...]

2710, 2016

Returning from Sorrento: 6 Things I Learned

By |October 27, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |10 Comments

      I went to the Amalfi Coast in Italy with a UC Berkeley Alumni tour group.  I met them at [...]

1010, 2016

Is Adult Dating Just an Exercise in Dumpster Diving?

By |October 10, 2016|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |15 Comments

    This quote really resonated with the women, especially the single ones, at a recent women's only yoga retreat. Dating as [...]

709, 2016

The G-Word: Attempting Gratitude

By |September 7, 2016|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , |11 Comments

Do we need this? I've been thinking about gratitude lately.  Almost involuntarily.  I've been wondering, is gratitude a prerequisite to [...]

208, 2016

Becoming Pudding: Abandoning the Outside World

By |August 2, 2016|Categories: Falling Apart, Grieving, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , |6 Comments

Smelling the Roses When I Still Cared I think I'm devolving into a blancmange. (I loved the whole Devo, de-evolution [...]

2004, 2016

George in Woman’s Day and The Male Breast Cancer Coalition

By |April 20, 2016|Categories: Grieving, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , |2 Comments

While I was out:  I just got back from France and wanted to share two new article-things. Apologies if this is redundant [...]

3003, 2016

How I Embarrassed Myself (Oh no!) on Woman’s Day: It’s About S-E-X

By |March 30, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |6 Comments

Me trying to look sexy First, I do not pick the writing prompts for the magazine group I submit to. [...]

2403, 2016

I’m in Elephant Journal! Three Years After George Died…

By |March 24, 2016|Categories: Grieving, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , |2 Comments

April 10, 2016 will be the three year anniversary of my husband George’s death. I’d hoped to feel healed by now—to have [...]

2303, 2016

Superb Tips from an Online Dater on Huffington Post

By |March 23, 2016|Categories: Dating, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , |Comments Off on Superb Tips from an Online Dater on Huffington Post

Hello!  It's me again.  I've distilled all my online dating tips into one article.  And it's on the Huffington Post right here: Superb [...]

601, 2016

Question 7: My New Partner Feels Threatened by my Late Husband

By |January 6, 2016|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |9 Comments

Our latest question comes from Jaqui, who writes: I am a widow and I think I am worth dating! I had 34 [...]

2412, 2015

Question Six: Are Widows Less Emotionally Damaged than Divorcees?

By |December 24, 2015|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , , |14 Comments

    An Anonymous Questioner asks: I divorced about 4 years ago, and have been through two relationships (one about 2 years, [...]

1812, 2015

At 50, I Became a Widow and a Teenager (in Good Housekeeping)

By |December 18, 2015|Categories: Falling Apart, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , , |4 Comments

Gary, My "High School" Beau, and I Hello Lovelies, I'm in Good Housekeeping Again.  And I am so grateful.  Here's [...]

1512, 2015

Question Five: Should He Date When It Feels Like Cheating on His Former Girlfriend

By |December 15, 2015|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , |4 Comments

  Feeling Lonely A new friend lost his girlfriend in a car accident five years ago. He writes,”Sometimes I think [...]

812, 2015

The Holidays in Widowland: on the Huffington Post

By |December 8, 2015|Categories: Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |10 Comments

In the two and a half years since my husband died, I thought I'd feel better about my life without him. But [...]

112, 2015

Question Three: Is Dating a Widow a Losing Proposition?

By |December 1, 2015|Categories: Dating, Grieving|Tags: , , , , , , , , |7 Comments

Quinn asks: "Dating a widow. I always felt that since the relationship never ended with a ‘break up’ that there was no [...]

2811, 2015

Free Advice Two: Should I tell him I love him?

By |November 28, 2015|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , |Comments Off on Free Advice Two: Should I tell him I love him?

  Dear HW, I have been dating long distance for a year now. Him and I are very happy together and make [...]

2511, 2015

Ist Question: DeCluttering from Life Before Widowhood

By |November 25, 2015|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , |4 Comments

Time to declutter! Claire has asked: "My question: What was your approach to sorting thru all the detritus of your [...]

1311, 2015

4 Reasons Why Being a Widow is Like Being an Extra-Terrestrial

By |November 13, 2015|Categories: Falling Apart, Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , |Comments Off on 4 Reasons Why Being a Widow is Like Being an Extra-Terrestrial

    Ever since my husband George died, I’ve felt like a fucked up alien. In the two and a half years [...]

1310, 2015

Medicinal Marijuana and Warm Silk: My First Published Creative Nonfiction

By |October 13, 2015|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , |4 Comments

    Image from FGP and is credited on that site   Hello Dear Blog Friends: My first piece of [...]

1409, 2015

Keep on Running: Three More Men to Avoid

By |September 14, 2015|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , , , , |6 Comments

When your best date is your handbag I last wrote about three really awful guys I dated.   https://thehungoverwidow.com/run-from-these-three-guys/  So, these [...]

1108, 2015

Avoiding Profile Pitfalls (Don’t Be “That” Dater)

By |August 11, 2015|Categories: Dating|Tags: , , , , |Comments Off on Avoiding Profile Pitfalls (Don’t Be “That” Dater)

I'm an expert on "She knows," part of  blogher.com  So, I get to put up posts on that site.  (This post was [...]

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