The Intersection of Guilt and Abuse: When we fail to believe we deserve better
Like so many who have fallen into abuse, I rationalized that I could help him to change. He needed me. Having failed to save my husband, I wanted to save someone, even someone who wasn’t very nice to me.
This Is How We Can Overcome the Bitterness Of Middle-Aged Dating
If I could describe middle-aged daters in one word, it would be bitter. And that bitterness is destroying our chances at finding love. Let’s overcome that bitterness with a beginner’s mind.
Why is Dating in Middle Age so Hostile? It All Started on the Playground
To me, so much of the dysfunction surrounding dating in middle age boils down to the way men and women of my generation were taught to behave. Specifically, little boys were brought up to conquer while girls were brought up to be docile.
On Dating at Middle Age: Where Are All the GrownUp Men?
When I started dating again after being widowed at fifty, I wondered, where are the men who act like grown ups? The ones who get their gutters cleaned, keep their homes reasonably tidy, have edible food in their refrigerators, and want a life partner instead of easy sex.
Ending The One Upmanship Of Middle-Aged Dating
My best advice: To find love, develop your empathy muscle. In my experience, many middle-aged men have let it atrophy. Dating at fifty was like being in a wolf pack, or worse, a law firm.
What if Valentine’s Day Became “Loneliness Awareness Day”
Writing in the Sand at Santa Cruz I'm not Blaming Valentine's Day for All my Neuroses, BUT... For me, Valentine's [...]
Surviving the Onset of Widowhood: A Tiny Primer
A few modest suggestions for the newly widowed as they grieve and begin to regroup.
Five Lessons I Learned from My First Date in 32 Years
Number One: Dating and Regurgitation Do Not Mix
Finding Love at Middle Age: Throw Away Your List
If you're having trouble finding love at middle age, throw away your list.
Disillusionment: It’s What’s Killing Middle-Aged Dating
Let’s start a movement called the unfun daters where we treat our dates like potential life partners instead of bottom feeders.
When You Think Everyone Else is Doing a Better Job of Widowing
When I was widowed, I couldn't stop thinking I was doing it wrong. But all we really have to do is to stop judging our own grieving.
Accepting Change: This is the Second Adolescence That Is Widowhood
To be widow is to be a shape shifter. We move through different phases redefining ourselves after our loss.
Deciding Not to Settle: What I Learned from The Rules
It took an archaic husband-hunting manual for me to stop I settling for less than I wanted.
Confessing to Loneliness at the End of the World
Can we finally just say we feel lonely and isolated? These times feel like first being widowed, and yet, there is solace in small things.
Sharing Our Stories: My Class for Senior Citizens
I'm teaching a writing class on zoom for senior citizens starting May 28th.
If Your Date is Trying to Change You, They aren’t the One
I was shocked at all the criticisms I received from men when I started dating in middle age. Instead of taking them to heart, I should have just walked away.
The Biggest Problem with Middle-Aged Dating: Living in the Past
I finally realized that many middle aged daters were living in the past. Dating was an exercise in revenge against the people who’d failed them.
Reconciling with Gratitude: The Pandemic Edition
My quarantine resolution: to reconcile with gratitude. Otherwise, it’s too hard to live with someone this bitter.
On Wanting Someone Invested or I Fell in Love Over an Air Conditioner
I wanted someone who was invested, and that meant caring about what I cared. A dead air conditioner showed me I'd found the right person.
On Not Giving Up on Love
I found love and learned not settle when I was 55 at one of the saddest points since my husband died. Don’t give up hope.
Our Inner Critics in the Time of Quarantine
In this time of quarantine when we can't escape ourselves, let's stop bumming ourselves out with thoughts of self-doubt.
Sheltering with Anxiety Demons
These are strange and worrisome times. And for those of us who already live with anxiety demons, there is even more to [...]
Recovering from Extreme Loneliness or Don’t Trust a Guy with 19 Guitars who Wants to Move in with You
Last year, a boyfriend (now ex) left me stranded on a stranger’s floor in Germany. A woman friend ( now ex) falsely [...]
My Essay Writing Class
My photo from the site...so glam I am again teaching my five week essay writing class in San Francisco on Saturday mornings [...]
I’m Teaching Again/ Making our Losses Part of Our Lives
On the Beach Dear Friends, I loved teaching the five-week essay writing class through Writing Pad. I’m doing it again [...]
I’m Teaching a Class!
Dear Friends, I’m teaching a five-week class called “Personal Essay 1: You in 1200 words” that runs on Saturdays, 11:00am to 2:00pm, [...]
My New York Times’ Modern Love Essay
One of my dreams has been to be in the New York Times’ Modern Love column. Let’s go read the rest of [...]
Using a Beginner’s Mind to Cope with the Loneliness of Widowhood
We are lonely. My post that’s gotten by far the biggest response is fighting the loneliness that comes with the second year [...]
Dating After Widowhood: You Can Withdraw Your Consent at Any Time
Many of us are diving back into the dating pool after a long absence. It’s been many years since we’ve been [...]
Widowhood: Fighting the Stigma of Loneliness
Loneliness equals shame. The hardest thing I went through after George died was being lonely. With few friends, no kids, and a [...]
A Widow Finds Love through Perseverance
My Instagram Post with tags "#SecondChapter" and "#InLove": What mushy optimist posted this drivel? I recently got an email from [...]
Recognizing When You are Being Emotionally Abused (in Ravishly)
Thank you Ravishly It’s what I do. Get into embarrassing, sad situations and write about them publicly. Sigh. I never [...]
Tripping on the Path of Widowhood: Living with Emotional Abuse
On July 29th, my boyfriend had a public meltdown and yelled at me. For the very first time I realized: He’s emotionally [...]
In Ravishly: Patton Oswalt’s Engagement: What Should Grief Look Like? (And Who are We to Decide?)
My first commissioned article! For my non-Facebook subscribers: Online magazine "Ravishly" asked me to write an article on the media [...]
What I Want You to Know about Widowhood on Ravishly
Reaching Out to the Widowed I am so grateful to have my first article in "Ravishly," a cool online women's [...]
My Father’s Day Article on Purple Clover
My article Happy Father's Day! 💕 For my friends who aren't on Facebook, I have my first piece on "Purple [...]
My Father’s Day Tribute in Modern Loss
For my blog friends who aren't on Facebook, I am so grateful to be in the wonderful online publication "Modern [...]
Dating for Widows and Widowers: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself if You’re Ready to Date
Stuck in the Dating Thicket I rushed into dating far too quickly after George died. I tried dating a couple [...]
It’s about Me
My new BFF is a Gaudi Lizard I am so grateful to be interviewed by the fantastic writer and [...]
You are Grieving Perfectly: You are Choosing to Live
Me in Tahoe Two Years Ago You are grieving perfectly, just as you are. Even if you're sobbing and sloppy [...]
Welcoming Sadness: Sitting with the Pain of Loss
Looking out my Office Window Sometimes, we just need to sit with our pain. Maybe we breathe through it, or [...]
A Widow’s Galentine in Modern Loss
My Yoga Tribe I am thrilled and grateful to have my Valentine's Day post in Modern Loss, an online journal [...]
The Women’s March and 6 Tips when You come Home to an Empty House
My writer's group at the Women's March It's my first protest! My writer's group and I marched in Walnut [...]
5 Reasons Why Older Single Women Give Up On Men
The last time I hung out with my single girlfriends, the talk turned to why we have a better time hanging out [...]
Eight Red Flags to Spot When You’re Dating
Look! I’m the Dating Police I’m an ex-online dating addict. For a while, I was terribly social until I [...]
My New Year’s Post: 8 Things I Learned While Widowing
Coming to you from my home office I learned a lot this year. It just doesn't feel like it [...]
6 Ways to Swim in the Adult Dating Cesspool (and One Work Around)
Lost in the Online Either My last dating post was about how many people think of adult dating as [...]
Getting through Grief with Humor, Honesty and Time
My painting from a writing and painting workshop I went to I'm taking an online blogging class. My assignment: a [...]
Surviving the Loss of a Loved One in Elephant Journal
My article! Dear Blog Friends, I'm thrilled to be in Elephant Journal with my article "Surviving the Holidays After the [...]
Coping with Widowhood over the Holidays
My Cheering Garden---I can dig in clay soil Dear Friends, It is again the holiday season. And it is so [...]
Returning from Sorrento: 6 Things I Learned
I went to the Amalfi Coast in Italy with a UC Berkeley Alumni tour group. I met them at [...]
Is Adult Dating Just an Exercise in Dumpster Diving?
This quote really resonated with the women, especially the single ones, at a recent women's only yoga retreat. Dating as [...]
The G-Word: Attempting Gratitude
Do we need this? I've been thinking about gratitude lately. Almost involuntarily. I've been wondering, is gratitude a prerequisite to [...]
From Married to Mutant
Trying to divine if it's time for change I finally realized we don't recover from loss, we mutate. We can't [...]
Becoming Pudding: Abandoning the Outside World
Smelling the Roses When I Still Cared I think I'm devolving into a blancmange. (I loved the whole Devo, de-evolution [...]
Relationship Blues
It's my dream guy, Billy Idol! I don't know what an adult relationship is supposed to look like. I married [...]
Dating in a Time Warp with Erma Bombeck
OMG what am I doing posting twice in two days! Well, I wanted to share that my new piece "Dating [...]
Shame by Skinny Jeans
Vain enough? My skinny widow pants no longer fit. My stomach muffins over the top. These are the pants [...]
Let’s Rant (Socializing as a Widow)
Virtual apology flowers for my blog Dear Blog, This is again one of those times when you and I are [...]
Anxiety and Widowhood
Aaahhh...serenity Since George died, I'm much more anxious than I used to be. I've probably always had an anxiety [...]
Kissed in the Louvre (flash non-fiction)
I was getting lost in the Louvre when I found a different sort of artwork. Gorgeous, French, leather jacket, sideburns, a [...]
I’m Clingy in Woman’s Day
I'm in Woman's Day talking about being needy in my relationship. My article is written from the perspective of a widow, [...]
George in Woman’s Day and The Male Breast Cancer Coalition
While I was out: I just got back from France and wanted to share two new article-things. Apologies if this is redundant [...]
How I Embarrassed Myself (Oh no!) on Woman’s Day: It’s About S-E-X
Me trying to look sexy First, I do not pick the writing prompts for the magazine group I submit to. [...]
I’m in Elephant Journal! Three Years After George Died…
April 10, 2016 will be the three year anniversary of my husband George’s death. I’d hoped to feel healed by now—to have [...]
Superb Tips from an Online Dater on Huffington Post
Hello! It's me again. I've distilled all my online dating tips into one article. And it's on the Huffington Post right here: Superb [...]
The Hungover Widow Contemplates Employment
I'm Reaching Out Here It is now time to contemplate getting a grown up job. (Ok, a part-time sort of [...]
I Get Sexy in Elle Decor
One of the Few Times I've Tried Cooking Last October, there was a hot, nearly naked, 30-year-old app developer in [...]
My David Bowie Tribute on The Huffington Post
Me and George in 1983 I have a new piece up on The Huffington Post discussing my love for David [...]
Question 7: My New Partner Feels Threatened by my Late Husband
Our latest question comes from Jaqui, who writes: I am a widow and I think I am worth dating! I had 34 [...]
New Year on the Huffington Post
Dear Blog Friends, I have a new Huffington Post article. I'm not on my main computer, it took me this long to [...]
Question Six: Are Widows Less Emotionally Damaged than Divorcees?
An Anonymous Questioner asks: I divorced about 4 years ago, and have been through two relationships (one about 2 years, [...]
At 50, I Became a Widow and a Teenager (in Good Housekeeping)
Gary, My "High School" Beau, and I Hello Lovelies, I'm in Good Housekeeping Again. And I am so grateful. Here's [...]
Question Five: Should He Date When It Feels Like Cheating on His Former Girlfriend
Feeling Lonely A new friend lost his girlfriend in a car accident five years ago. He writes,”Sometimes I think [...]
The Holidays in Widowland: on the Huffington Post
In the two and a half years since my husband died, I thought I'd feel better about my life without him. But [...]
Question Four: Why Can’t He Get a Second Date
The name is Charming, Prince Charming Today's Question reads: Hi Debbie, Thank you for your candidness and the humor in [...]
Question Three: Is Dating a Widow a Losing Proposition?
Quinn asks: "Dating a widow. I always felt that since the relationship never ended with a ‘break up’ that there was no [...]
Free Advice Two: Should I tell him I love him?
Dear HW, I have been dating long distance for a year now. Him and I are very happy together and make [...]
Ist Question: DeCluttering from Life Before Widowhood
Time to declutter! Claire has asked: "My question: What was your approach to sorting thru all the detritus of your [...]
Free Advice: Ask Me Anything
Dear Friends, This blog is a bummer. Poor thing, it’s just a repository for things I get published. I haven’t given it [...]
I’m a BITCH on Good Housekeeping!
Dear friends, Despite the bad timing, my biggest publication has come out today in "Good Housekeeping" magazine. If you like it, [...]
4 Reasons Why Being a Widow is Like Being an Extra-Terrestrial
Ever since my husband George died, I’ve felt like a fucked up alien. In the two and a half years [...]
The Liebster Award
I would like to thank both J. V. at A Crazy Life and Becky at The Big L Photography Blog for nominating me for the Liebster [...]
Caregiver Guilt: My Second xojane Article
dark times My second xojane article. And my second xojane article is up. It is dark. It's about caregiver [...]
Medicinal Marijuana and Warm Silk: My First Published Creative Nonfiction
Image from FGP and is credited on that site Hello Dear Blog Friends: My first piece of [...]
My Second Huff Po Article
Me and Huff Po Hello dear friends who I don't want to plague with too many posts. If you've seen [...]
Blogged Down
Dear Blog, I hate that I'm never enough for you. You keep demanding all this SEO stuff. You seem so needy. [...]
My First Blog Post on the Huffington Post
Ok, the blog page is purple. But I am on it...in the Post 50 section. I'm not featured (yet). So, it's a [...]
Better After Fifty and a New Rant
Even if we're both purple, we have nothing in common! Online magazine Better After Fifty has featured one of my [...]
Single Dating Diva
And I have a new guest post up at "Single Dating Diva," a lovely dating advice website in Canada. Apparently, the gods [...]
Xo Jane
I got to be in "xo Jane" magazine today. http://www.xojane.com/sex/dating-for-hoarders I haven't really been published before. So, thank you so much to [...]
Keep on Running: Three More Men to Avoid
When your best date is your handbag I last wrote about three really awful guys I dated. https://thehungoverwidow.com/run-from-these-three-guys/ So, these [...]
Avoiding the Dating Time Suck
Here's the link to my latest post on Sheknows Experts: my latest expert post Apparently, if I put [...]
Run From These Three Guys
Having Some Bad Days Back Then... When I started dating, my life felt like a Fellini movie. I’d been [...]
Avoiding Profile Pitfalls (Don’t Be “That” Dater)
I'm an expert on "She knows," part of blogher.com So, I get to put up posts on that site. (This post was [...]
Soundtrack for the Cheerfully Bereaved
I would have been ok talking to the Rotary Club President about joining up had Neil Young’s “Harvest Moon” not come on [...]
Dating for the Cheerfully Bereaved
I sort of quit drinking because I was in the pit of despair. Up until about seven weeks ago, I [...]
Dating Lessons from a Cut-Rate Flounder
I overdid the on-line dating thing and am now in recovery. I have killed off my avatar of amour, my [...]
Dating for Hoarders
I went into hoarder mode shopping for men on "OK Cupid” and “Plenty of Fish.” I answered messages from [...]
The Blog Killer
Even bloggers need helping hands Dear Blog, I am so sorry that I almost let you die. Especially [...]
I Was a J-Dater
My Dream Date I couldn’t sleep so I joined J-Date. It's an on-dating service like Match.com. Except for Jews. [...]
The Longevity Police
That's what I call my financial planners. They generally tell me I need to go back to work within a few years. [...]
Are you feeling alone in this?
When nothing feels right... When my husband died of cancer in 2013, I felt unbelievably alone. So like any [...]